I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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