i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I will die if light touches me.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
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Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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