no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Randomize
