Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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