May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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