Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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