she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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