It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
