38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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