The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
