this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
