I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I've blown a few things in my day
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
