I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
