you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
