i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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