I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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