she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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