Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
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I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
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It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize