broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
