When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
