This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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