Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
