Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
