yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
