she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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