He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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