we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
