I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
