I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
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I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
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My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...