On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms