So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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