Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
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it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
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Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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