I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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