I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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