is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
