I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
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I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
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Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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