OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
