pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize