He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
