She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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