i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
