I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
