I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
