I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
