508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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