my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
