Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
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I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
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Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize