So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
