dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
