Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
