I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
