Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
