I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize