after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
