You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
