The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
