just come out here and I will go home with you...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
