I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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