She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Also, beer. Big fan.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
They left me at home... I'm a liability
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
