hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
