two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
