In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
