im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
