I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
