just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
