my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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