Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize