He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
