Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
