the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
