Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
