I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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