i permit you to call me
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Found your dick twin last night
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize