I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
