Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
