Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
