She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
