im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
