tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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