so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
